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  • Writer's pictureSam Kee

The Wisest Words I Ever Heard in Therapy

Updated: Apr 8, 2022

I learned a powerful lesson after years of therapy: if you can’t talk about something, then it has power over you. You can’t begin to get healthy without starting here. On the flip side, and it’s worth stating, you can begin to get healthy by starting here.

When something else has power over you, then you do what you don’t want to do. Have you been here? You tell yourself to do one thing, but you do another thing, because you’re being driven by deeper forces that are in control.

What is it that you can’t talk about?

A disability. A shortcoming. A failure. A fear. You did something sexual as a kid. As a teen. As an adult. You don’t like your parents. Your spouse hurt you. You hurt your spouse. Your friends keep letting you down. You have a hidden addiction. You like the ‘wrong’ gender. You disagree with your church, your family, your job. You don’t like the way you look. The way you behave. Your interests. You have a syndrome, a condition, a weakness. You’re in debt, in danger, in doubt. Someone did something very hurtful to you in the past. You were abused. You abused. You’re lonely. You’re fat. You’re angry. You’re ugly. You’re hopeless. You’re lost. You’re confused.

Put another way: What is it that controls you? The Psalmist confessed, “For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away…” (Psalm 32:3).

This is true in relationships, too. If you and the other person can’t talk about something with each other, if it’s like stepping on a landmine, then it has power over your relationship and both of you are serving it. It’s worth stepping on the landmine and getting your legs blown off, for the alternative is to be gutted from the inside by the inevitable and lethal cancer of silence.

If you can’t talk about something, then it has power over you, no matter how small it is. Maybe this would be a good place to start talking. You can comment here or send us an email at We want to help you peel away your bumper stickers and get under your BS.

It begins by talking about it.

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